Heather Day
As a clinician, I know the predictability and routine of mealtime fosters healthy relationships. As a mom however, I am all too aware that family life can become very busy with homework, enrichments, and daily tasks to complete. My family is not immune to the fact that we could benefit from the simplest of routines — having a family meal.
According to drugefree.org, CASAColumbia, a science-based, multidisciplinary organization focused on transforming society’s understanding of and response to the disease of addiction, found through its multiple studies that parental engagement in children’s lives is fundamental to keeping children away from tobacco, alcohol, and other substances. They also found that parents have the greatest influence on whether their children will choose not to use substances. Their surveys have consistently found a “relationship between children having frequent dinners with their parents and a decreased risk of their smoking, drinking or using other substances, and that parental engagement fostered around the dinner table is one of the most potent tools to help parents raise healthy, substance-free children.” The focus is not what is on the table, but the conversation that is happening around the table.
Make Mealtime Matter!
Mealtime provides an opportunity for families to simply talk. Storytelling, reminiscing about our days and sharing in that experience as a family strengthens our sense of connection. Kids know that there will be time built into their day to let parents know the highs and lows of their day. They might seek validation, praise, reinforcement, or encouragement, and this sends the message that their parents are a reliable source of support. If they are struggling emotionally throughout the day, they may recall a funny quote, words of wisdom or a sense of belonging they felt the night before at dinnertime.
I am always trying to find and promote creative ways to foster dialogue with families that I see at Riverside. There are wonderful games out there that can help! “Talking Point” is a game with a deck of question cards with categories. It is a great tool that guides families to closer connection by asking humorous questions, personal questions and questions that really enhance a deeper understanding of each other because that topic might not naturally come up otherwise.
The opportunity to connect is the key to the benefits we see from mealtimes. Be sure to take advantage of a drive in the car with your kids as another way to connect, ask questions and engage in sharing about our lives. The lack of needing to make eye contact can be helpful to teens/kids in sharing about their lives.
Getting Beyond One Word Answers
A well-worded question is the quickest way to connect after a long day. Typically, a parent asks, “How was your day?” and the reply nine out of 10 times is “Fine.” Instead, try asking what was your favorite part of the day? Who did you talk to today in class? What was your proudest moment of the day? How did you overcome a challenge today? A Healthy Lynnfield has posted links to some great conversation starters on their website, www.ahealthylynnfield.org.
Follow A Healthy Lynnfield on Facebook and Instagram to read more about our Make Mealtime Matter campaign during the months of March and April.
Heather Day, MA, is an LMHC at Riverside Community Care and A Healthy Lynnfield Coalition member.
